THW Golf Headlines

Sunday, July 21, 2013

The Housewares Realism Kit v1.0

by MacTHW

Is Tiger Woods 2014 on Simulation mode too easy for you? Do you crave more realism in your golf simulator? Then look no more…THW Golf is proud to present the Housewares Realism Kit - the next evolution of virtual golf on PS3.

Building on the realism ushered in by the Wii and now continued by the MOVE and the ChickenStick (or, SimStick) on PS3, the Housewares Realism Kit includes all the props needed to simulate your ball being in the rough, sand or amongst the trees. The kit comes with three potted trees, so you can hit it from underneath a tree or use all three to block the view of your television screen, as if you had hit one into the depth of the forest and can’t see the pin. Also included are two 4x4 by 1 foot deep pools. One is filled with sand to simulate those bunker shots and the other you fill with water to simulate those water-bound, errant blue or yellow arrow shots the veer off-course. Combine the trees and water pool for those out-of-bounds shots. And there’s more. Also included is a sun lamp and sunscreen, for those days when playing at the brutally sunny, hot and muggy TPC San Antonio.

The Pro version of the Realism Kit comes with a full 360-degree rotating, variable-speed, 5-horsepower fan, capable of replicating everything from a gentle breeze to the 35MPH hurricane winds at St Andrews. Place it at your back or point it right in your grill for those in-your-face windy moments. The fan rotates a complete 360 degrees, making it compatible with hole 12 at Augusta where the swirling winds can have unpredictable results with your tee shot. But that’s not all. The Pro kit also comes with an adjustable shower adapter you mount above your head on the ceiling to simulate those humid or rainy days on the links. Just turn the dial from mist to downpour or anywhere in between. You provide the water source and you’ll be up and running.

This kit is truly amazing. Combine all the pieces to simulate that windy day out on the links, hitting the ball out of the sand trap all the while getting soaked to the bone in a torrential downpour. You’ll never need to step foot on a real course again. Immerse yourself in the complete THW Golf experience with the Housewares Realism Kit and bring your virtual golf game to an entirely new level. THW Golf Mode - making Simulation mode look like Amateur hour.

Binkdog and Enderdog Debut New Virtual Swings, Results Appear Positive

by MacTHW

Enderdog is back from vacation and claims to have had an epiphany—he has it all figured out now. What’s that strange contraption in his bag? Everyone’s bags are packed for Louisiana but the trip is cut short. These are your headlines for the THW Golfing weekend.

binkdog and MacTHW start off Friday evening where they left off last Saturday night…by visiting Louisiana to snag that record away from IWGCJoeCool. The stars are not aligned for either player, as neither so much as threaten the record. MacTHW shoots an 89 as binkdog goes triple digits, hitting 100.

Next up, Louisiana again. enderdog and the ‘Marlin join in this time and it’s a full four player round. enderdog claims he has the motion controls all figured out and vows to take ALL records but Louisiana would be a start. True to his word, enderdog rips up the front nine in only 33 strokes, making him on track for all sorts of records. Enderdog cedes no ground along the back, only furthering his lead. enderdog finishes the round with a season record low of 71, twelve shots ahead of MacTHW, 20 ahead of binkdog and 22 ahead of the ‘Marlin. After the beatdown is officially over, enderdog also emerges with a Course Pro record at Louisiana.

The ‘Marlin takes off for the evening and the bewildered binkdog and MacTHW wearily take on enderdog at Augusta 1934 - Friday pins. This course has no current record so winner takes all. Once again, enderdog dazzles on the front nine, leading binkdog and MacTHW to wonder exactly what it is that enderdog found. Did he build a swing robot? Was there voodoo or witchcraft at play here? enderdog claims to have switched up his swing style. MacTHW was thinking firmware hack. enderdog continues to stick to his story. binkdog suggests its a device built upon rocker arms and a spring. enderdog refuses to fess-up. After the interrogation, enderdog just happens to get a bogey along the back. It is not enough to sway the opinions of binkdog and MacTHW, though. enderdog finishes out the round at 78, nine better than MacTHW and fourteen ahead of binkdog. Augusta 1943 Friday falls under the enderdog regime.

Saturday, enderdog is ready to take Mission Hills from binkdog as his course pro power grab continues. Still armed with the secret, he handily defeats both MacTHW and the ‘Marlin to add yet another Course Pro record to his list of recent acquisitions. enderdog shoots a 79 while MacTHW comes in at 87 and the ‘Marlin one behind at 88.

Grandpa binkdog joins the fray for round two on Saturday, completely irked that his Mission Hills record is gone. He suggests a trip to Crooked Stick, a wholly owned and operated enderdog venture. enderdog, armed with his newfound secret, taunts binkdog, threatening to only set the record lower than it already is. Something is wrong with the ender-voodoo, witchcraft-swing-firmware hack as he finds himself in three way tie after nine, the trio shooting a 41 each and binkdog five strokes behind at 46. Again, the magic artifact fails enderdog along the back. Perhaps he turned it off on purpose, hoping to take the heat off so he would not get busted. Or fined. Or handicapped. The ‘Marlin takes advantage of a “normal” enderdog and surges ahead by three. The ‘Marlin wins the round and takes the record at Crooked Stick with his 83. enderdog is three behind at 86 and binkdog rolls in with an 88. MacTHW drops on the 13th due to a Playstation Network error and can not finish the round.

The ‘Marlin takes off for the night, leaving binkdog, enderdog and MacTHW on the tee box at Blackwolf Run, a MacTHW owned property. binkdog finds himself a new swing as well, and it turns out to be pretty good. He hits the turn at even par, while MacTHW is six strokes back and enderdog eleven. The back nine is not kind to any of the golfers, but binkdog and his new grandpa swing navigate through it the best. binkdog breaks the previous record at Blackwolf Run, claiming it is his now with an 81. MacTHW could only muster a 93 and enderdog, playing with his good luck charm disabled, hits triple digits—102.

It’s not surprising that enderdog is this week’s most improved player, dropping seven strokes from last week’s average of 90. MacTHW slightly improved, going from 90 last week to 88 this week. binkdog stayed exactly even, shooting an average of 90 again this weekend. The ‘Marlin shot an average of 88 this week. Overall, the average round this week was an 87, down six strokes from last week’s 93.

The gaps between first, second and third continue to close, with the biggest move coming from enderdog as he closes in on second, now only six points away. enderdog adds two more courses to his list, now totaling 16.5. MacTHW falls back to 13 courses, the ‘Marlin holds 7.5 and binkdog remains at 7.

That’s all for this week. Hope to catch you all next weekend and looking forward to resuming some team game rivalries.

Sunday, July 14, 2013

While Some Golfers Are Away, Other Golfers Will Play (And Steal Their Records Along the Way)

by MacTHW

The past two weekends have been light, as players head out for summer vacations. That doesn’t stop the non-vacationing players from attempting to set new records or take records away from those that are vacationing, only to have them return…and SURPRISE!, “You now have less course records than before”.

enderdog, MacTHW and the ‘Marlin decide it’s time to break the old record of 100 at St Andrews. MacTHW manages to lower the record with a 92 but enderdog calls for his official rematch immediately and takes away MacTHW’s record by shooting an even lower 83, gaining back his St Andrews course and adding a few more notches to his win record.

MacTHW retaliates by calling for his rematch of Muirfield, which was so rudely stolen from him by enderdog in the previous week. Neither player comes close to the 79 needed to break the record, and to add insult to injury, enderdog defeats MacTHW by one stroke, adding yet more notches to his win record.

One of the new courses with a Course Pro record still available is Pinehurst No. 2 Restored and enderdog and MacTHW decide to pay it a visit. enderdog handily defeats MacTHW, gaining yet another Course Pro record and still more notches.

enderdog is out the next week as is Ash, leaving just binkdog and MacTHW to vie for records. They scan the list and see that IWGCJoeCool still holds the record at TPC Louisiana from the time he played with our crew at the Housewares Invitational. binkdog and MacTHW make four attempts on the record and come up short each time, including one devastating round where all binkdog needed was a routine 5-foot par putt on the 18th to beat the record. Instead, binkdog shanks the putt and misses his chance at the record, wasting seventeen holes of hard work, sweat and tears only to get caught in the jaws of a full-on, leviathan-sized binkdog choke. The par putt does not sink, neither does the bogey, nor the double-bogey putt with the triple-bogey finally ending the round.

binkdog also comes up short on his attempt to reclaim a piece of Scottsdale, missing the record by two strokes. But he does manage to remove MacTHW as a shared record holder at Oak Hill, defeating him by two strokes for the all-out, non-shared new record of 89 at Oak Hill.

binkdog, enderdog and MacTHW each shot an average of 90 this week, up slightly from their high-80s from the previous week. The average round came in at 93, also up slightly from the previous week’s 91. The big moves have happened on the scoring on Course Pro leaderboards. enderdog has now overtaken MacTHW has the player with most courses held. enderdog holds 14.5 courses compared to MacTHW’s 14. binkdog trails with 7 and the ‘Marlin is close behind with 6.5. IWGCJoeCool still holds one.

All of this “winning” by binkdog and enderdog comes at MacTHW’s expense, as both make significant gains on the number one ranked player. enderdog is now within nine points of second place and binkdog within 16 points of first place. Game wins and course pro records are going to be important moving forward as the point gaps close up, making for a three-way horse race to see who can retain or claim the number one spot in the coming weeks.

Most players should be back next week and most likely will continue their assault on the Louisiana course until it falls.

Sunday, June 30, 2013

Rage Quit Or Connection Loss

by MacTHW

With a vacationing binkdog and late-showing enderdog, it was a slower than normal weekend at THW Golf, but our golfers managed to muster six full games over the two day span known as the golfing weekend. Stay tuned for headlines…

Ash, enderdog and MacTHW start things off Friday evening at Royal Birkdale, which happens to still happened to have a vacancy sign posted at the Course Pro Shop. Everyones seems to have a case of the blues…blue arrows, that is. MacTHW finds more trees than fairways and finds himself in the caboose at the turn, while Ash sees one of his best front nine scores of the season yet. enderdog dials it in and goes on a par streak that no one could keep up with. Ash reclaims his caboose and MactHW settles for second. Ash shoots his lowest score of the season, a 99, down seven strokes from his previous low of 106.

Royal Birkdale:

The ‘Marlin joins in for round two and suggests the watery Muirfiled Village course. enderdog keeps his drives under control while the rest of the pack has trouble keeping their ball dry. enderdog is determined to take the record from MacTHW and needs to beat an 88. Thanks to a helpful YouTube video, enderdog exhibits signs that the enderdog of ye olde times may be making a comeback. He easily wins the round, while MacTHW and PointedMarlin battle it out for second place. MacTHW ekes out a one stroke victory over The ‘Marlin. enderdog gains another Course Pro record.

Muirfield:

Last stop of the evening is at TPC Scottsdale, a binkdog-owned course on enderdog’s list of course records to smash and grab. MacTHW plays himself out of the competition early on, amassing 48 strokes just on the front nine alone. enderdog and the ‘Marlin both want the record and each reach the turn at 38. It’s give and take for the record hunting duo along the back and neither manages to win so both enderdog and the ‘Marlin have to share the new record of 81 at TPC Scottsdale. Minus one course record for binkdog.

Scottsdale:

Saturday is just the enderdog and Mac show. They head over to TPC Louisiana to see if the can wrest the record away from IWGC JoeCool, who holds the current record of 81. Things look bleak along the front nine for both players but enderdog’s birdie-making machine fires up along the back nine and suddenly he’s back on track to snag a record.  MacTHW still can’t find a fairway and settles for second (last) place.

Louisiana:

enderdog wants another shot at Louisiana, seeing how he only missed it by two strokes. The wheels fly off the bus almost immediately. By the turn, calm enderdog has been replaced by angry enderdog. The boiling point comes at the 15th, while enderdog is in the midst of a tiny meltdown, sending his chips back and forth over the green. The connection to the opponent is lost. Was it a rage quit or an internet outage? Alas, only enderdog can truthfully answer that question but he fully denies it was a rage quit. Even though he was screaming about breaking his Chicken Stick in half. Quitting whilst in rage is a rage quit, no? Anyways, he still beats MacTHW by one stroke but the record was in no danger of being broken.

Louisiana:

And finally, the last round of the weekend takes place at Crooked Stick, another binkdog-owned property. binkdog has the current record with a 92—a number that an angry enderhulk is looking to SMASH. This is not MacTHW’s weekend, as he still can’t shake his case of the blues. enderdog is not doing well either, hitting the turn at 46, exactly half of what it takes to TIE the record. MacTHW spends his time amongst the trees while enderdog attempts to make gains on the record. enderdog goes on to sink a few consecutive “beasts” for birdie and salvages his run at the record, besting the previous 92 with his 88. enderdog gains another course record. ender SMASH!

Crooked Stick:

All in all, it was an enderdog weekend, nearly sweeping all rounds with the exception of the tie with the ‘Marlin at Scottsdale. Could this be the new old enderdog? Will he be consistent next week? And what exactly was in that YouTube video he watched that improved his game so drastically? Is there a new rage quitter amongst the ranks? The intrepid reporter will attempt to answer these questions and more. More next week.

Sunday, June 23, 2013

Meltdown on Moving Day, Drama Punctuates The First Ever ShadeTree Classic

by MacTHW

It’s tournament weekend here at THW Golf once again. Not only are rankings hanging in the balance but so are the newly announced Housewares Cup points. The competition is fierce at the River Highlands and one golfer learns that even a double-digit lead is no guaranteed win as we have one of our most topsey-turvey, seesaw, back and forth, rattled nerves tournaments of recent history. These are your ShadeTree Classic headlines.

Four golfers step up to the tee on Friday evening, ready to tee it up at the River Highlands for the first ever ShadeTree Classic. The ‘Marlin joins the group but announces beforehand that we would not be able to complete the tournament and could only play two rounds. In a showdown that was eerily similar to the all out beatdown at the 2011 Shootout at the Harbour tournament, enderdog comes out swinging fast and furious, setting a pace no one else could match. Throwing down an impressive seven birdies in the first round, enderdog takes everyone by surprise. Was this the return of the old, no holds barred enderdog? It most certainly seems so, as enderdog went on a par streak peppered with a few birdies and only getting hung up with a quad bogey on the 10th and a triple on the 13th. Even with those minor speed bumps, enderdog manages to lock in a 72 for round one, setting a new course record and a THW Golf season low record at the same time. Meanwhile, binkdog finds himself in third after PointedMarlin and MacTHW takes possession of the caboose.

Round 1:

The tropical storm phenomenon known as Hurricane Enderdog appears to be losing force after moving inland. enderdog’s scores return to normal for round two and the rest of the pack scrambles to take back lost strokes from round one. binkdog and the ‘Marlin lock horns in battle with binkdog in the lead at the turn but the ‘Marlin reels the old ‘dog back in along the back. They both have to settle for a tie for round two but binkdog manages to gain back an impressive six strokes on the leader as the round ends. MacTHW falls back even further to his nemesis but takes back one stroke from enderdog.

Round 2:

After round two, enderdog leads by eight strokes over binkdog and eighteen strokes over MacTHW. The last two rounds will take place on Saturday, with binkdog and MacTHW looking to regroup and counter the newfound swing, accuracy and confidence of one enderdog.

It’s time for round three so get ready for Moving Day! And what a difference one day can make. Ash joins the group for the Saturday outing, unfortunately he has missed out on rounds one and two but will play along for rounds three and four. Things go wrong for enderdog immediately as he repeatedly trips over his own shoelaces trying to fix the four flat tires on his moving truck, only to discover he has no jack or tire iron. An epic meltdown along the front nine stretch sees enderdog giving back eleven strokes to MacTHW and ten strokes to binkdog. Whatever hopes and dreams enderdog was looking to collect had evaporated into thin air. A hard charging binkdog keeps the pressure on along the back nine with MacTHW not too far behind. The wounded enderdog trundles into the clubhouse with a 99 on the scorecard giving binkdog back eighteen strokes and MacTHW sixteen. This has been one of the most dramatic Moving Days yet seen at THW Golf!

Round 3:

Round four is on! FIGHT! Nerves are shaky, as this is still anyone’s tournament to win or lose. binkdog wants to play it safe and keep his small, fragile lead. enderdog tries to minimize the damage and at least stay ahead of MacTHW who is closing in on the leaders. MacTHW enjoys a good front nine where he bests binkdog by two strokes and enderdog by three who now cedes second place to MacTHW. MacTHW continues his charge along the back looking to make gains on binkdog. He gives nothing back to enderdog along the back who attempts to mount a mini-charge of his own to retake second place. Meanwhile, binkdog runs into his own troubles and tries his best to hold back a full on binkdog choke. He bleeds a few strokes here and there as MacTHW and enderdog look to close the gap and pull back the leader. While MacTHW gains another two strokes on enderdog and binkdog gives back seven strokes. MacTHW manages to win the round with a personal best of 77, he can’t quite snatch victory from the grasps of binkdog who manages to hang on for the championship win after round four! Congrats, binkdog!

Round 4:

Final standings after four rounds:

TPC River Gighlands | Course PAR: 72 | Tournament PAR: 288
POS	Player	Round 1	Round 2	Round 3	Round 4	THRU	TOTAL	SCORE
1	binkdog	86	80	81	86	72	333	+45
2	MacTHW	91	85	83	77	72	336	+48
3	enderdog	72	86	99	82	72	339	+51

With its powerful story of a raging battle amongst three fierce competitors with the climax culminating in the epic meltdown of one player and a seemingly impossible come-from-behind victory of another (with a side story of a man and his beer fridge), the ShadeTree Classic would make for a must-see full feature film. We could sell tickets for the seats, but viewers would only need the edge! If only there was movie poster for the ShadeTree Classic…

Thanks to everyone at THW Golf for playing and joining in and making for a very exciting and fun golfing weekend.

[UPDATE: binkdog wishes to supply the following supplement to the headlines, as he feels the round four coverage was too MacTHW biased.

“with 3 holes to go, binkdog held a slim 2 shot lead over the hard charging MacTHW and even hotter enderdog.  A bogey at the par 3 16th cooled off MacTHW, but he would claw back with a par at the 17th.  Enderdog’s hopes and dreams were dashed with an errant tee shot that found OB on 18.  Needing a solid drive and approach on 18, binkdog was Mr. Clutch, confidently blasting a driver way down the 18th fairway.  His approach sealed the deal, with an impeccable shot from 180 that landed less than 15 feet from the cup, dashing the hopes and dreams of MacTHW, who, even with a birdie that didn’t materialize would have put him 1 shot back after a simple 2 putt from the champion”

Remember, we always accept headlines from members. If you have any you would like to submit or write, please send ‘em in.

This editor would also like to note that binkdog’s win at the ShadeTree Classic puts him in the lead in the Housewares Cup points race]